I had a really embarrassing thought the other week.
My office in San Francisco held a virtual staff meeting to provide guidelines for returning to the office—it’s open at limited capacity now. And as I was listening to the Zoom presentation about sitting at assigned, far-apart desks with masks on and not gathering in the kitchen, I thought to myself, Can you please provide guidelines for what the hell we should all talk to each other about?
I’m only half joking. I, like many, have only kept in regular contact with a close few over the past year. No one else knows everything I’ve gone through, and I sure as hell don’t want to regurgitate it all to 37 different people over the proverbial water cooler. No matter how much I like them.
We’ve all been on our own and very different journeys over the past year. And, at least in my corner of the world, it’s looking like we’re all going to be re-entering life slowly but surely in the coming months. Whether you’re going back to an office, hanging out with old acquaintances, or otherwise expanding your social bubble, it could be tempting to default to, “So how have you been? What have you been up to the past year?”
But I urge everyone to first take a moment and think about the fact that you have no idea what this person might have just gone through or what trauma they’re holding onto.
Some have lost loved ones. Others have faced debilitating mental health challenges or feel exhausted and grief-stricken over relentless racism and violence. Many have spent their days mulling over feelings of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and just about every other negative emotion you can think of.
This past more-than-a-year of our lives has given us a lot, and one of those things (I hope) is a stronger sense of empathy.
As I wrote back in August, I have a hope that the world we’ll return to can be something more authentic, humane, and resilient—and I was already seeing signs of it back then, as horrible as everything was. This is our chance to turn that hope into a reality.
So what do we talk to each other about? I still don’t really know. I liked this Instagram post about creating intimacy over the littlest things. Maybe you have some suggestions.
Maybe I’m overthinking it, and the joy of spending quality time with each other again will make everything feel natural.
But no matter the topic of conversation—even if it’s a what have you been up to?—let’s all approach it with empathy, grace, and openness. We’re all ripe for connection and need it now more than ever, so let’s treat each other gently.